why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
