I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
