OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
