No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
