I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
