So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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