I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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