I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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