remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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