Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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