Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
