Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
