just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
a search helicopter?!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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