i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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