I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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