Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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