I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
