She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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