I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
me + whiskey = a bad person
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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