id be glad to
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize