I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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