"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
