i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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