You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
