Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
