I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
