I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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