U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
