I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
