YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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