tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
