So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
