yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
