why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
