I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
