i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
