I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
