I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize