I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
