I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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