It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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