i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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