She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
