Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
