ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
