Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
