I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
