I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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