Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You need a sexual gate keeper
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
