Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
