I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
