i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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