you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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