its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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