4 words: hood of his car
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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