Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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