dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
