careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
