I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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