dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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