Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
