i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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