hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
