its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He shit in the fireplace
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
