I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
