You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
