I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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