My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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