Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.