They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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