So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person