Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
