wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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