yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
