I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
