I wish I could teleport
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
